Seeking therapy when your family is driving you nuts

Family dynamics are often a focus of therapy and there are good reasons why this is the case. Many of our clients report that ongoing issues within their families contribute to their symptoms of depression, anxiety, stress, or PTSD. Spending a lot of time with unhealed family members around the holidays can cause a spike in mental health symptoms for many people. Here we will briefly discuss some of the common patterns of family dynamics that people seek mental health treatment to address:

Perfectionism

It is common for parents to want their children to be successful, but what happens when this goes too far? Did you feel like your parents were more focused on being able to brag about your accomplishments than making sure that you were mentally and physically ok? Were you never given the grace to make mistakes or be silly? Have you developed an intense inner critic? Perfectionistic parenting may be the underlying cause of a lot of these issues.

Parentification

Many people grew up in families with unhealed parents, who end up relying on their children to meet their needs instead of the other way around. This role reversal can be very damaging to the development of the child. Parentification generally comes in two forms: instrumental (when the parent delegates tasks to a child that are inappropriate for their age of developmental level) or emotional (when a child is expected to meet the emotional needs of the parent.)

Sibling Rivalry or Favoritism

Unfortunately, some parents show favoritism to one child, or pit their children against each other instead of fostering healthy relationships between their children. This can lead to poor self image in adulthood. Blended family issues can also be a stressor. Other times, even people who grew up in the same household can end up with such different values that spending time together as a family can be a serious challenge.

Childhood Trauma

Growing up in a verbally, emotionally, sexually, or physically abusive household is a known risk factor for toxic stress. Other risk factors include neglect, poverty, addicted parents, witnessing domestic violence, and experiencing community violence. People who grow up under these conditions often suffer from chronic feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. They are more likely to suffer from addiction, relationship problems and health problems if they don’t get help.

OK, we are naming many big, scary issues here, but also please understand that relief from these kinds of issues is possible! Talking with a trauma informed therapist who understands the effects of family dynamics can help you unpack these complicated issues, and release yourself from these bonds. We’d like to give a special shout out to the parents who are working hard to overcome their own pasts so they can give the next generation a better start. We see you and appreciate you, Cycle Breakers!

If you feel like any of these types of family problems describe your experiences, we want you to know that help is available. Family therapy can be very helpful for healing family systems, but sometimes the unhealed family member is not willing to admit there is a problem and seek help. Even if you are making this journey alone, know that with support, it is possible to heal. You deserve to feel better!

How can the counselors at Shift Counseling, PC help with mental health issues rooted in Family Dynamics?

At Shift Counseling, PC, all of our therapists are trauma informed and aware of the ways that family dynamics can affect mental health. We provide in person sessions at our North Riverside, IL location, and online sessions for those in the State of Illinois. We are in-network with BCBS PPO, Blue Choice PPO, most Aetna EPO/POS plans, most Cigna/Evernorth plans, Lyra, and First Health plans.

If you are ready to get help, use our CONTACT FORM to get started with the healing process. Our practice owner will reach out to you within 1-2 business days to help you get set up with your first appointment.

Or, you can check out the individual pages of our therapists. If you see someone you would like to work with, you can use the embedded link in their page schedule a free 15-minute consultation before booking your first appointment. We look forward to helping you get back on track!

Learn more about Trauma Therapy here.