Navigating changes in family relationships as a Young Adult
Do you remember being a kid, dreaming about what it would be like to be a grown up? Getting to do whatever you want, whenever you want? Not having to answer to anyone? If you are a Young Adult, you are likely seeing that being a grown up isn’t as much fun as you once thought it would be. There is so much pressure, so much responsibility, and sometimes your family still wants to call the shots. When you try to assert your identity as a newly emerging adult, sometimes it can cause tension within your family. Talking to a Young Adult counselor can help you through this difficult time.
Family pressure and expectations
When you are a kid, you’re often along for the ride, without a lot of control. Then, you turn 18 and some people seem to think that a switch flips and suddenly they can expect you to function as a full adult. This can be particularly challenging if you were not gradually taught tools for independence during late adolescence.
Other Young Adults struggle with their families not giving them enough independence. Your parents may continue to place expectations on you, or try to convince you to live your life in a way that pleases them. Other parents mean well and are generally supportive, but struggle with letting go of control because they want to keep you safe.
Some Young Adults can find themselves clashing with their parents because of their career choices, relationship preferences, self-presentation, or other lifestyle issues are not approved by their family members. If you notice that you are experiencing disapproval from or disconnection with your family, it can be painful. Living authentically is not always easy. It is OK to want your independence, and also want to be accepted and supported for who you are.
How therapy for Young Adults can help
If you are experiencing tension with your parents or other family members, it can be very painful. But at the same time, you may feel that you don’t want to give in to pressure to change something about yourself to make others more comfortable. A Young Adult counselor can provide space for you to talk though your feelings, so you feel heard and understood. Having a connected experience with your therapist can “take the edge off” the sadness and anxiety that can come from having disagreements with family.
A Young Adult therapist can also help you figure out how to take care of yourself while remaining patient and open to change in a challenging family dynamic. Even healthy family relationships can go through a period of strain during this time of great change. Parents may be grieving their role as caretaker, and adjusting to a new role as the parent of an adult child. Parents may need time to accept some of the changes that you are making. Sometimes they need to grieve the person they expected you to be in order to be able to see and appreciate who you really are. Parents are human too, and it makes sense that they may be resistant to change at first.
Some children experience a role-reversal with their parents
Some Young Adults feel ready to meet the challenges of adulthood for themselves, but instead feel their progress is blocked by their parents’ needs. If you grew up feeling responsible for making sure your parents were ok, you may feel unable to move past this role. This can cause feelings of fear, guilt, betrayal, and resentment. A Young Adult counselor can help you process through your feelings and figure out how to move forward in this challenging dynamic.
Recognizing the role of generational trauma
Sometimes, as a Young Adult, you get just enough distance from your family unit to see things that you had not noticed before. You might start to notice that Dad’s anger issues or Mom’s crying spells had more of an effect on you than you originally thought. Other times, there are even darker family secrets that become clear to you. Sometimes the trauma you need to heal from happened in your own home, and sometimes it started generations ago. If you came from a family that experienced war, poverty, migration, discrimination, alcoholism, abuse, or domestic violence, you may have a lot of healing to do.
If you are the first person in your family line to seek mental health treatment for trauma, you may be a “cycle breaker.” Although your intentions are likely good, speaking up about things that others would rather ignore does not always go over well. A trauma-informed Young Adult counselor can be a great source of support as you clear yourself and your family line from generational curses.
Seeking therapy as you start a family of your own
Becoming a parent is a milestone that brings a lot of Young Adults to counseling. Yes, the pregnancy may have been difficult, and the first few months of your baby’s life were likely an exhausting blur. But having a child may bring about major changes in your relationship with your partner. Starting a family may also cause you to look back on your own childhood with a more critical eye.
While this process can be uncomfortable, it can also be rewarding, and is a great gift to your children. A Young Adult counselor can help you reflect on your own upbringing, notice the things that you appreciate, and become more aware of the patterns that you don’t want to continue.
Doing your own healing can strengthen family bonds
As you step away from your family of origin and either start your own family or find your chosen family, there can be painful realizations. However, working with a Young Adult counselor can help you let go of the past, become more resilient, and feel empowered to create healthy relationships moving forward. Sometimes, if it is safe, doing your own work in therapy can help you heal and forgive older family members who may not have had the opportunity to get this kind of support.
Interested in scheduling an appointment with a Young Adult counselor?
At Shift Counseling, PC, all of our therapists have training and experience in working with Young Adults. We work with people struggling with depression, anxiety, stress, or trauma-related issues. Reach out, we’d be happy to see how we can help.
